Friday, July 08, 2011

If You Give a Mom a Tylenol PM. . .

If you give a mom a Tylenol PM, she's going to sleep like a submarine bloop-bloop-blooping along the ocean floor.


When she wakes up, she's going to need to do something about her face, which will be simultaneously bloated and creased, like an apple-head witch doll that's been left to soak overnight.


So she's going to need to drive to her meeting with Scotch tape on her forehead to smooth out her puffy wrinkles while she squints blearily into the sun.


Then she's going to worry that she's too groggy to remember the tape on her face, so she's going to tuck her skirt into her underwear, while she's driving, to remind her when she gets there, and notices her skirt tucked into her underwear, that she has tape on her face.
Only she won't. She will walk 15 steps from her car towards her place of work with a taped face and her skirt tucked snugly up into her cotton underpants.

And chances are, if she walks to her meeting in skirt-stuffed underwear with tape on her face, she's not going to be able to fall asleep tonight, so she's going to need a Tylenol PM…


The End.
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Okay, new ChopChop column is here.

And I have a few little road-trip suggestions!

Bossypants, on audio, for the grown-ups. So, so funny. Plus, there's bad language and inappropriate stuff galore, but the politics are so great that it was okay with me if the kids heard an odd bit here and there when they took their headphones off. (Go to audible.com and see if they're still having their free trial.)

Knucklehead, on audio, for the whole family. Also so, so funny. A three-hour car trip passed in a blink while we listened to this. (Rectum? It nearly killed him!)

Have I already sent you to Mom's Minivan before? She has really great, free printable games and activities, such as license-plate bingo, the dot game, and an excellent pen-and-paper version of Battleship that we love.

And, finally, we got this very simple License Plate Poker game that is simple, but very diverting for some reason. I got it at Barnes and Noble, and even though I was balky about spending $10, I think we're going to get hundreds of hours out of boring-fun play out of it. If you win, you get a sticker for your booklet, and you know how much fun it is to pick stickers! I won a lot, luckily.

Still mulling blog names. . . Happy weekend! xo


13 comments:

  1. You have done a good deed telling the world about Knucklehead. Everyone should laugh until they cry now and then.

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  2. You crack me up, Catherine! Great road trip ideas. Any plane ideas to go with those? We're headed from NC to AK in a few days.

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  3. Has "Newman" already been suggested? (This is the danger of not reading comments: being the idiot who suggests something that has been suggested one million times and then discussed one million times.) We could say it like on Seinfeld. "NEWman...*suspicious/adversarial face*"

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  4. love it! and thanks for the link for road trip games. we leave in a week and i can't wait to pull those out!

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  5. Laura8:31 PM

    What IS it about that Tylenol PM and an old wrinkly face the next morning??!! It's like I woke from a 100-yr sleep!

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  6. LOL sounds like we're not the only family who has committed Laura Joffe Numeroff books to memory! Love it.

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  7. thanks for the recs! i've been on my library's Bossypants list for a while. Just downloaded with the Audible trial. Who knew they were part of Amazon now! Will check out Knucklehead, love his books!

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  8. I have laughed out loud at so many of your posts ...but never as long & loud as I did over "PM Tylenol." Thank you, Catherine. If you have a rainy day Cape camping, the kale soup at Red Barn was fab last week. (Sounds like you'll be in that general area...)

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  10. JulieInTheHood3:44 PM

    We love the game Rubberneckers (hard to find but A to Z in 'Hamp has it) for trips. Also two GREAT books on CD are "When My Name was Keoko" and "A Barrel Of Laughs, A Veil Of Tears."

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  11. Anonymous4:51 PM

    If my butt looked like that, I would not really mind if my skirt was tucked into my underpants. In fact, I might "accidentally" do that on occasion, just to brag.

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  12. ohmygosh, you killed me with this one -- laughing so hard, with tears running down my face & my kids saying, "What is it, mama? What? What?" you.are.the.best.evah.

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