Thursday, March 08, 2007

Warts and All

Thank you, as always, for your advice. I wrapped a banana peel around my heel, strapped a potato to it with duct tape, scraped at it with a pumice, an emery board, a microplane zester, and a tea-tree oil soaked cotton ball, dabbed it with plain old nailpolish remover and urine, and voila! I woke in the morning and the entire foot had falled off onto the mattress. I trust it won't grow back.

Wouldn't that be a great short documentary film? "Warts"? Just sped up and spliced together shots of people treating their warts in a million different ways, maybe set to The Sound of Music theme song? If you want to option it, you know how to find me. . .

I have a column here and here. If you're inclined to weigh in on the juggling issue, please do; they're wondering if that's an interesting topic of conversation among mothers. Hope you guys are all thriving.

33 comments:

  1. I think after your "Catherine, Knitting and Swearing" YouTube video, you should do one of yourself applying various wart remedies to your afflicted foot. I would enjoy hearing you say the f word while applying potato to your foot maybe even more than while trying to do the tricky knitting loop de loop.

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  2. I'm too lazy to log on at Wondertime, so I'll comment here - the idea of you having blog envy just made my day.

    I love blogs, I have my own blog, but I think it's a tribute to your excellence that I keep on reading you even though you write about motherhood with a brilliant incandescence that makes everybody else look bad.

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  3. I left a comment at Wondertime - gold star for me!

    Blog envy - as if! I would love to know who you are envious of because I read a lot of the big kahunas of the mommy-blog world and none hold a candle to you.

    No kidding. No joke. I have been reading you since the beginning and many others for a long time; and nobody comes close to you Catherine.

    I love many blogs and there are several I am envious of - they can put into words what I am thinking much easier than I can. That said, I love my blog too because really it is all me.

    I don't even hate you for your brilliance! I LIKE you. That speaks volumes of your skill and human touch that reaches all of us so deeply.

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  4. Elaine7:04 PM

    I only ever read, like, three blogs, Catherine - there's just too many out there!! But yours is by far my favourite, even more so than - I dare say it - John Mayer's! And that's some funny blog (see January entry when he wrote the Smuckers company about peanut butter-laden knives - HYOK!) I keep saying to myself that one day, I'll start a blog. It will pale horribly in comparison to Dalai Mama, but it's a choice I'll have to live with.

    Anyway, good one on wondertime this week, though the Romanian dentist line brought Borat to mind for some reason!

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  5. Speaking of envy, I read about some of my very favorite web writers in the WHOLE WORLD living it up with pillow menus together, and had to wipe away a little tear. But anyways, the wart documentary sounds wonderful, as long as you include burning the hell out of it with liquid nitrogen. :)

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  6. Tracy9:46 PM

    are they seriously wondering if that is an interesting topic of conversation among mothers? i can't leave comments over there yet either, and thus am forced to leave one hear. I daresay that the "juggling act" of motherhood is often discussed in mother circles...sometimes without words (think of the one-look-says-it-all-i-hear-you-sister preschool cubby room non-conversation).

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  7. Tracy9:48 PM

    OMG, can't believe I made a spelling mistake...juggling, indeed!

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  8. I daresay we all envy you, Cath!! I'd love to know who it is that you envy.

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  9. I can’t wait to hear what body part Birdy’s piñata will look like!

    I am embarrassed to say that I have felt the blog envy thing. It makes me feel like I did when I was eight years old and my friend put me 4th in her “list of best friends.” It makes me feel awful to think someone likes someone else more than me, and at the same time I feel even more awful for having that envious feeling.

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  10. Absolutely. Juggling is an issue I even managed to cover in my blog before you weighed in!

    A parent magazine recently had a suggestion from a mom (ridiculed by a letter to the editor in the next issue, thank heavens) about having your kids eat dinner IN THE TUB to save time. THAT is not my idea of good juggling!

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  11. Kristin11:49 AM

    I read alot of blogs and yours was my first and is still my favorite. I feel that I can relate to you the most and you always do such a good job of ptutting my feeling into words.
    When you were at parentcenter I always wished you would post more than once a week and when you left and started this I thought you finaly would but now I get even less of you! I still check every day though...

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  12. I hate the log in process at wondertime, and they always lose my comments in the ether anyway, so here's my comment on the juggling:

    Depressing, isn't it? I do the juggling thing with a full-time, 8 to 5 type schedule plus lots of traveling to various states. It's depressing because I know it wouldn't be any better if I were not employed, or partially employed, as you also alluded to - it would just be a different set of stresses. It's all a financial-quality time teeter totter, and all I wish to do is get OFF the ride, which doesn't seem to be an option unless you're independently wealthy.

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  13. Rian:
    Dinner in the TUB?! I just - I can't - REALY?!
    What parenting magazine was it? I bet the editors printed that one just KNOWING that it would generate some kid of "response."

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  14. I don't know if my posting made it to Wondertime, so I'll repeat myself here. You are SO fishing for compliments, Catherine. I get so angry when I'm always like the 564th person to comment and I think how could you possibly care to hear the repetitive songs of praise. But you are awesome, the last entry was a hoot and once again, you've hit my experiences right on the noggin. BTW, you are my one and only mama blog. No interest in others. Just like my hubby, you are my first and last. (sorry if that's too much information, or too pathetic...)

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  15. I have to admit I'm hooked on the blogging thing now, but I'm also (although I'm in a very different position than you're in) not that concerned with whether or not too many people read. There's a lot of talk in the blogosphere these days about the community and the network of virtual (but real) friends that can be found.

    It's fascinating stuff, and I think that I'd rather have my little ma and pa corner store than a big bloggy megastore any day. In fact, recently, I've been really worried about the number of hits I've been getting because I don't do a very good job of hiding my identity, but I also would rather my readership be confined to people who don't know me. The better to talk more freely, right?

    I don't know how you do it, frankly? You're so open and honest about so much (Okay...how funny was the pubic hair empire line? Had I been drinking, I think my laptop would be destroyed) and yet everyone knows who you are. I'm not complaining, though, 'cause it's some good reading.

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  16. "about having your kids eat dinner IN THE TUB to save time. THAT is not my idea of good juggling!"

    No but can you imagine what a good YouTube video it would make? Almost as good as Catherine torching her warts.

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  17. Melissa11:31 PM

    You forgot to top it all off with a squirt of fresh breast milk!

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  18. Because I put several links to you on my blog, I've tagged you for a meme. Write on it if you feel like it. Or don't. I just felt very odd, like I was thanking you in an acceptance speech or something. Weird to write someone's name that you don't even know. But anyway - it's 5 reasons why you blog. Simple enough. My #1 was that I started because I followed you here (not stalking, really) from babycenter and found the create a blog link at the top of the page too tempting. And here I am! (http://omahamama.blogspot.com)

    Good luck with your warts. What's really fun is the relief you feel when they're gone and then the disappointment when you see that there's 4 in its place. Like a little game.

    I read wondertime weekly. I've tried posting many times, they just don't post. I use Explorer, which is apparently the root of the problem. But I'll comment here, I love your writing and will buy the sequel to your book the minute it comes out!

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  19. Looking for an idea for Birdy's birthday pinata? I sketched one up for you that I think would be a good match for Ben's. Everybody likes chocolate-dipped strawberries, right?

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  20. I would start a documentary Film Festival, and the "Warts" doc would win every prize.

    Sorry about your foot falling off.

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  21. I don't know. Editors of a parenting magazine/site wondering if "juggling" is a topic that strikes a chord with the audience is somehow akin to the head honchos at Sports Illustrated sitting around scratching their heads all, "Do you our readers have any interest in FOOTBALL?"

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  22. Kelly B.11:30 PM

    Catherine,

    Once again I am calling my husband in to listen as I read aloud. Amazing... your division of barf labor mirrors our house almost identically. Our son (5) refers to it as gagging due to his many years of experience with a highly sensitive gag reflex and resulting barf. And yes, I know that barfing cry which is immediately preceded by much rustling of sheets and moaning. I love when you write about Ben and Birdy's endearing conversations. It reminds me very much of my son and daughter (5 and 2).

    Thank you again!

    Kelly B.

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  23. Yay for the annual barf post. Not being from a barfing family myself, I am quite amazed at the regularity with which you have to deal with the stuff.

    A suggestion for cleaning birdy and the brush up next time? A Shower. Works well if you get in there with her. Unless of course you don't have showers where you live, and then you're just screwed.

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  24. Celia Dávila3:38 PM

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  25. Anonymous7:58 PM

    Barf - yes, yes, yes- I too wonder if the people pulled over on the side of the road are puking or not. How bizarre but reassuring that someone else has this same fear obsession! I can't watch those television shows when they have eating contests or weird eating challenges. I am afraid Ill see them gag and throw up. I literally have to leave the room or change the channel when things like that come on. I also can't stand being around drunk people because they might barf. Once I had my kids I got a little better - no, thats not true - I just managed to get through it all. But, Im still a barf freak.

    When stomach bugs hit our house, we divide the labor up by the bedroom and the child. I always take the bedroom because the child is too upredictible - more barf may be to come. Everyone (except me) just got over the Norwalk virus in our house. My son spread it to my husband, who laughs at my frantic handwashing ways. He wasn't laughing after that bout of sickness though!

    Keep blogging and writing - it makes us all feel a little bit more sane!

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  26. Anonymous10:05 PM

    O.K. someone needs to fix Wondertime! That site is infuriating! I often can't read the posts. Sometimes, when with my own recipe of computer voodoo, I can get the page to load, but I've never been able to read or post comments. I have cleared my cache, etc, but nothing works. And, to make matters worse, when I clicked on "contact us" there was no way to email them with these problems?! Hello, don't they have the power of Disney behind them? You'd think they'd be able to make a website without quite so many bugs. So, Catherine, maybe you can pass along this rant! Thanks!

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  27. Anonymous10:56 PM

    There is a book called "Momma Zen" which is I think much better than Everyday Blessings. Better written, if not as comprehensive. I wanted to like Everyday Blessings, and I love love the two long stories (autonomy and the donkey riding girl). But it was so boring, and I kept thinking, "Wow, Jon Kabat-Zinn sure is gone a lot." Momma Zen is by the mom who also has the actual meditation practice. And it's very funny and touching. I laugh and cry in each chapter. And it's a quick read :) I have nothing to do with that book, but I did think of you when I read it.

    Chris (chris at austin-lane.net)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Lazy Skank Mom11:19 PM

    I love you, but I think I would love you even more if you did a three-way with finslippy and breed 'em and weep with lots of wart medication and filmed it for YouTube.

    Yes. That is the only thing that could make me love you more. Do it do it do it. I bet they would totally be into that. I've heard things about those women YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.

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  29. Anonymous4:22 PM

    I can't do the barf thing either, and after reading this yesterday my dog barfed last night in bed. It was thisclose to landing on my husband's head!! We had a really fun time cleaning that up.

    By the way, I love your writing, I've followed you here from parentcenter. I don't have any kids yet - been trying almost 3 yrs now, but I aspire to be a mother like you, when it happens. Thanks for sharing your life with us.

    ReplyDelete
  30. At my childhood home we had the "barf bowl" which is what my son now calls the receptacle used in times of such need. I do ok with it, until the smell hits me. Then all bets are off. I haven't actually barfed myself because of the smell, but I do leave the room a lot to take deep breaths and "dab my eyes." If you know what I mean...

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  31. Maybe a trip to that "headhospital.com" would help? Sheesh, the spammers are no longer scared off by word verification I guess.

    ReplyDelete
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